Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
