I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
