so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
