My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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