You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need mimosas to revive my soul
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
