went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
