non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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