Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
