dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
