marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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