i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
