chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
