Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Plan B is the new Plan A
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
