Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
