I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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