My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
