it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
