Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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