I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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