You made me cry and you don't even care
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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