he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
