I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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