dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
