you would pick up someone in the library
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
