Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
