If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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