is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
