Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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