so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
