she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
