when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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