The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i out mim tonsoeep
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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