I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize