I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
