WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
