John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
