I forgot how hot balto sounded
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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