i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
