apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This toilet bowl is my home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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