are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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