What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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