On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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