what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
