Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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