And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
