i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
