why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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