If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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