watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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