I need help removing her.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
